Why am I forced to put everything on my shoulders . I’m not the only person around here and this shit definitely isn’t mine . I have my own things to do and worry about .
Apparently to my mom I’m an unemployed lazy kid that fucking sleeps all day . Are you fucking serious . . I was just working 2 jobs 2 weeks ago eating up my whole week . I have been working and employed at a sushi bar waiting tables and busting my ass for the same 2 years . I have been employed since I was 13 years old . I have given up EVERY weekend of my life since then to work and save up , to provide for myself and the family . I have never asked for money . Ever .
But to you I guess all those hours and income flow was from my being a lazy bitch and sleeping all day huh ? Because I guess the fact that I don’t have financial aid I had to pay for my college education full . And I guess you forgot that you didn’t have to pay a single fucking dollar because I am able to take care of myself and pay for my own fucking education . Fuck . Maybe I should just quit working and go out every damn weekend . Get shitfaced and make nothing of my life . Cause then I wouldn’t be so pissed off cause you’d be right for once . Fuck . My . Life .
Ever since I graduated high school my sleeping schedule has been a mess . I really don’t even sleep anymore . Every night I get about 3 hours of sleep . After school , if I don’t have anything to do then I just take a long ass naps . I’m becoming rather nocturnal now . I guess it just happened when I stopped talking on the phone at night . I donno . That always helped me sleep , just the company of someone . But I don’t even really know what happened with that . It’s all just faded . Kinda wish I could bring back the old days .
Sleepless nights that just turn into early mornings . No bueno . But I don’t have anything better to do . The thing that gets me it that it was just a friend(s) nothing more . But it helped .
My night was pretty content . I liked it for the most part although it was a little iffy at some point . But you made my night . That made my week . The party was straight . Didn’t really know anyone . I messed up on my performance . First time doing a solo . Actually I had like 4 . I wonder how it turned out though .
Days been going well so far . Chilled with Jenina all day basically . I didn’t even buy anything , not for myself , but I did get something at Virctoria’s Secret for homegirl’s birthday gift . Got home . Took a nap . Now I just have to find a way to get all my clothes ironed and everything without my parents knowing I’m dipping out on work to go to Arlene’s party haha . I’m performing tonight . Told very last minute . First solo . This is gonna be interesting .
Well , I haven’t been on this in a while . I guess I haven’t really found anything to bitch about recently . That , or I just held it in . But I guess I’m back to complain again . People suck . That’s all there is to it .
I don’t know what to do anymore . All people ever do is fucking talk and apparently I’m always in the center of their shit , never with a reason though . I’m told I’m too negative but there’s nothing to ever look forward to . I always get the worse side of things . Honestly I don’t remember when I’ve actually had happiness . It’s always only momentary . I don’t even know who’s legitimately got my back in shit because I have so many shady ass people on my ass all the time . Nothing ever works out for me in the end anyways . No support , no friends , all I have is music to turn to . It doesn’t even make sense why I always get the bad things in my life . What did I ever do . . Story of my fucking life . Shit sucks .
One of the worse feelings ever is being replaced . I hate when that shit happens . Honestly it comes around my way so often but it sucks so bad every time . Like how you can be such close friends with someone , not necessarily have feelings for each other , just good friends you can always talk to , make jokes , and just get mad at each other here and there but it’s okay cause shit happens and you guys make up and just continue on . Then then all of a sudden they find a boyfriend and you slowly begin to nudge out of their lives . You guys rarely even talk anymore when a week before you were talking every night . You start to question what happened , maybe I was a bad friend ? But it really fucking sucks knowing that my friend isn’t talking to me anymore because I was replaced , they found someone else to talk to . I mean even if it was a boyfriend I understand but that doesn’t mean I have to nudge out of their life ? Guess I was just a bad friend that I couldn’t keep that friendship strong enough . I guess , I should be sorry . But I really do hella miss these kids . Missing how everything was back in the day when we were actually friends . Now we’re rather more an acquaintances . It sucks . But then again , I wasn’t the one who let go .
