Currently 18 . Employed . Going off to college at Old Dominion University as a Non-Degree Undergraduate . But yet I’m still treated like I’m fucking 5 and I don’t know anything about life . I understand that I’m your son but you can only hold on for so long and have a grasp that’s so strong . It’s honestly so fucking annoying . You question why I’m never home but I don’t know exactly how to put it out to you that I hate this family . I’m too restricted in everything I do . For example tonight .

Tuesday July 20 , 2010 .

At 12:15 you called me to yell at me to come home . Yes I know you’re concerned . But I tell you where I’m at who I’m with and what I’m doing . I could be out in the streets dealing drugs , getting high , and going clubbing all fucking summer every damn day . But I don’t because that’s just not me . In a sense while I’m disrespecting you , I’m respecting myself for who I am . I’d rather do what I want then be who I’m not . I’m 18 years old now . I’ve been working since I was 13 and attending school 6 days a week since I was in 3rd grade . I remember the day perfectly when you took away every Saturday I had until June 17 , 2010 when i graduated from all that shit . It’s not that I want to rebel and disobey . It’s the fact that I have to . I can’t live life being who you want me to be . I would rather have you hate me for that than love me for who I’m not . If I were to be your ideal child I would be stuck in the house studying everyday . That’s just not me and I can’t do it . But I do have to acknowledge the fact that without all your bullshit I would have never started dancing and met the people that I’m with now . In a way you did raise a kid that knows right from wrong . If I was never disciplined I’d probably be on the streets with the kids I grew up with .

I’m legal and I know life . Not to the extent that I’m completely comfortable with it . But to the fact that I know what I have to do to achieve what I want . I’ve been working since I was 13 . Still in fucking middle school because you kept pushing me to do things that I would later become fond of . Academically , if you’d given me the freedom that I wish I had I think I would have done so much better . I was too restricted and pushed for something that I hated to the point where I didn’t care about anything anymore . Before I started dancing all I did was sit at home and play on the computer all fucking day . And you hated that . You hated the fact that that was all I did but you couldn’t stop it . So you made my life miserable . I was a miserable child . I hated life . I hated living . And I , most of all , hated you . I hated being home and being put through the same shit every day not having a clue how I would escape . My thoughts began to scramble and countless times , I’ve thought about ending it there . I don’t know why . But if I didn’t reconsider that I did have a few people that cared . The few that I would hate to see cry because of me , I wouldn’t be here today .

But I know what I want now . I want to be myself . I can no longer carry on with your dreams of me becoming extremely successful as a doctor or a lawyer . I just want to live with a content job where I can be happy . As a career , if you’re happy with your job then it technically isn’t a job . That’s my philosophy . I just want to be happy . I know that dance is only going to take me so far , but it is my only escape and it is a passion . I just want to graduate from college , find a steady career , and dance .

Cali is my only dream right now . As far away as possible and all the best things are there . I can dance everyday and also maintain a good education . Move out and never turn back .

But I haven’t even told my parents about it yet . I’m sure my mom knows already , afterall my brother always had a big mouth . But one day I’m just gonna get up and leave . No regrets . “Life is too uncertain to have regrets … “