Left , ignored , insignificant , unimportant - forgotten .

One of the biggest things yet in a sense it’s just a small problem , for me , is when people leave in the middle of a conversation without word . To begin with that’s just rude and disrespectful . But then hit me up again and pretend like nothing happened . That bothers the hell out of me . For one typing ’ gotta go ’ or ’ sorry I got disconnected last night ’ or anything in that manner is not hard to do at all . Above all it takes less than 3 seconds . I’m not an asshole and I don’t get mad easily but that really just gets on my nerves . I understand if anything comes up . I mean it’s reasonable to be tired when it’s late . I know that . But really now . Especially after I inform just about everyone that it bothers me . It still happens .

Maybe because of how I grew up, Such an insignificant detail can elevate to such high standards is beyond the general concept .

I hate the feeling of being left or ignored . I’m all too familiar with it . Because growing up , I never had anyone there for me . I was always alone . Whenever I tried reaching out to others I would always just become the outcast or the reject . At some point in time , I would adapt to a few people , but as time moves on those people tend to leave my side . Other times where I tried to speak out and be heard I would just be ignored no matter how big the action was or how loud and meaningful my words were . To a certain extent I was lost in society and for the few that were there for me , they also left . Left to a better place I presume . But that I cannot say for sure , but they are not here anymore , just desist ; passed away .

All those events , in the end , tie back to how I am today with even the slightest thought of this action . Although it may be such a simple , un-thought of action that can be carried out without knowing or simply being forgetful , it does impact me retaining to the feels that I once had in the past . Ones that I hate to relive , so whatever something along those times come up it becomes instinct for me to approach it the way I do .

Through it all I do sincerely apologize for the trouble I have caused some because I know that at times I was unfair . I do admit , I am insecure in being left , ignored , and un-thought of . Only to be a tool for attention in ones life - nothing more . I was just keeping my guard up and being selfish . Something that I’m still working on throughout the years . Still improving , but that’s just me being myself . Maybe subliminally I just fear abandonment from those that I entrusted myself with . Maybe I fear being , at some point , forgotten .